No More Cankles

Have you ever considered how the Lord cares about the details of our lives? Not only is he in control of the "minor" details of our lives but he is smack dab in the middle! I picture him just sitting there watching us figure out that He was there all along; intricately weaving and watching scenes to the greatest story ever told unfold. He's probably sitting there eating popcorn enjoying the heck out of it. 

I have the opportunity and ability to workout regularly. It's something I thoroughly enjoy and getting to eat whatever I want is an added bonus. I'm practically a sponsor of Popeyes. It's funny how the gospel changes every aspect of your life. ie: working out. Because of the gospel, I no longer workout for the sake of being the fittest person. Although being physically fit does have its benefits, it does nothing to a body that is wasting away every second. Rather, by the grace of the gospel through Jesus, I workout to love on my neighbors. It's in the gym that we find common ground through doing some strange band of exercises because we are that crazy. We suffer together, we laugh together, we (occasionally) eat together, and every day we get to know each other a little better than the day before. 

No longer do I workout for a six pack I will never obtain but I workout so I don't get cankles. For real, one of my biggest fears in life is getting cankles. In fact, when I was younger I used to do calf raises all the time because I thought that would prevent them. Shallow, I know. Because of the gospel, I workout to love on my new friends in hopes to share the best news I have ever heard. We are called to live with gospel intentionality. When we play, when we eat, when we work, or whatever we do. By the grace of the Holy Spirit, I have been pushed to workout with consistency and vigor like never before. To serve my friends at the gym relentlessly and the Lord is faithful to provide opportunities.

I have a precious friend I met at the gym who also happened to work with Lauren, Wade, and my brother in the ICU. Told you the Lord was in the tiny details! Anyways, we have struck up a sweet friendship. We spend most of the class laughing and goofing off. I think I get a better workout from laughing than the WOD. I am confident that the Lord is doing a work in her heart and will one day reveal himself to her. Until then, I will continue to workout at 6:30 in the afternoon and serve the dog mess out of her and my other friends in the class. Oh that they would see Christ working through this measly flesh and rejoice in his faithfulness. That I would think upon the gospel and have the boldness to invite them to the banquet table to taste and see the greatest of fare. I don't want to change them because that isn't my job and if it were, I would suck royally at it. I want them to know Jesus. After we encounter Him, everything else falls in its rightful place. 

I often find myself daydreaming about the day they will come to know my Jesus. How we will look back and put the puzzle pieces together and see how He was in the midst of the details. Joyfully laughing at the goodness and faithfulness of our Lord. He is in the details.  

Daily I plead that the Lord would give me the faith and obedience to walk with gospel lenses. I screw that up more often than I hit a homerun but I serve the God of grace and mercy. His faithfulness is humbling. His grace is humbling. Praise Jesus that He is in the midst of the details! Forget not his benefits! 

I'm not the biggest fan of reading. Part of me wants to be, but it's more of a chore than a hobby I enjoy. When I do decide to read, the only things I like to read are books that will push me to know and love Jesus more.  So when Beth Moore puts a ton of her books out there for FREE, you better believe I will be all over them. Just saving them up for a day when I decide I want to be a reader.
Right now I am in the middle of "Believing God" and it is so good! She could tell me to rob a bank and I would probably do it without hesitation.

In this season of life, I think it's safe to say I am struggling with singleness. I cannot imagine how hard marriage is or juggling kids while making sure dinner is cooked and clothes are clean, all while joyfully submitting to your husband. Yet, I desire to have a husband and a family but The Lord graciously has me in this season of singleness. I know without a doubt that the ultimate goal is Christ and not marriage or children. I know that they, like anything else, can easily become an idol. Even in this time of frustration, I have no choice but to trust that the loving Father knows what he is doing.

Beth Moore mentioned in her book that she does not hesitate to ask The Lord for his miracles and blessings because his resources are endless. One thing that really grabbed my attention was her simple but bold statement of trust and faith in The Lord. " If I don't get my miracle but God gets greater glory, I choose to believe I received the greater miracle with the most eternal dividends." I want to have faith that The Lord is giving me what is best for me because he is a loving Father who is good and does good. As frustrating as it is, I have to keep my eyes on Him. If not, I am like Peter sinking like a rock. Instead of sinking in water, I sink in a sea of doubt and self pity, both of which reek of sin. Like a child throwing a temper tantrum and screaming because they didn't get what they wanted.

I want to believe that if I don't get what I want, that I am getting the greater miracle. I am getting a gift that is just as great. Even in frustration and doubt, I have a Father that is by my side who has not abandoned me. The Lord is gracious and in this season of singleness, I know that I am just as blessed as the person who has everything they ever asked for.

I am a huge fan of music. From classical to hip hop, I love it all (except country). There is nothing that stirs my mind's attention and my heart's affections like Christian music. Let's be honest for a second. There is some Christian music out there, past and present, that I could do without and have no shame in hitting the next button as soon as I hear the first note. Some of my favorite people to listen to are Shane and Shane, Bethel, Bryan and Katie Torwalt, and TGP, just to name a few. Not only are they incredibly talented musicians but they are also biblically sound writers. 

I remember driving home the other day and a certain Shane and Shane song came on and I couldn't help but weep. Let me share the lyrics with you: 

The father of lies
Coming to steal
Kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can't abide
He's right
Alleluia he's right!

The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation

Could the father of lies
Be telling the truth
Of God to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death
Then death is mine
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can't abide
He's right
Alleluia he's right!

Oh the devil's singing over me
An age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently
He's forgotten the refrain
Jesus saves!

Any time I hear this song I cannot help but to weep. I weep because of the last two words: Jesus saves. The entire song is full of truth; I cannot gain salvation, I am cursed and gone astray, death is mine. It's full of a weighty truth that can become a burden if we choose to believe it and forget the refrain. If we choose not to believe that Jesus saves. 

When they sing "He's forgotten the refrain/ Jesus saves", I lose it. We are not cursed anymore because of Jesus. We can abide because of Jesus. We are found because of Jesus. Embracing accusations is part of the beauty. In order to understand the beauty of being found, we must understand that we are lost. But hallelujah, Jesus saves!

Embrace the accusations but don't forget the refrain. Embrace the fact that you are weak, broken, weary, and a hot mess. Cling to the refrain: Jesus saves, mends, heals, restores, adopts, and calls us his own. 

I smell like goodwill

I'm a new slave, yes, my name has been changed

I am yours

I kid you not, I have started this post a million times and deleted it each and every time.  I want to clearly portray what the Lord has taught me and is teaching me because it has been so refreshing and freeing. Here is the truth that has finally found fertile soil and taken root in a new way: 

I was created to serve. To serve until I am tired and then do it all over again. 

There are several people in our church who are adopting. As exciting as this process can be, it can also be taxing in many ways. It takes quite a bit of money to adopt and in case you didn't know...money doesn't grow on trees. I'm a little disappointed by this fact but it is what it is. 

To make a long story short, Josh and Wendi (a phenomenal couple from our church) had a garage sale to raise a little monties. They had a ton of stuff to get rid of! I've never seen so much junk in my life. Needless to say, The Lord was gracious in providing plenty of things to sell. 

I know I'm not speeding this story up at all. Let's try this again. Helping load, unload, sort through, hang up, sell, bargain, and get rid of all this stuff was tiring. I think we all walked away exhausted and smelling like mothballs and goodwill. My eyes were opened to these truths in the midst of lots of laughter, playing with a motorized chair, and selling goodies. 

Crazy thing is, it was a good kind of tired. It was rejuvenating and energizing. It was a sweet place of resting in The Lord. This life wasn't meant to live alone. We were created to live in community with others. To die to our flesh and consider others better than ourselves. For the glory of his name. All of this under the grace and work of Christ. 

I remember telling Jen and KB how shocked I was that we weren't tired of each other after spending so much time together. I also remember telling them that I would gladly do it all day, everyday if I could. You see, this is the community of believers I have been graced with. We waste ourselves on loving others/each other because of the love Christ has poured on us. I want to be exhausted and spent at the end of the day. I want to be wrung out.

It's a painful process dying to my flesh and putting others before me. But the life I find in following Christ's example and putting others first is more satisfying than I ever imagined. 

long time no see

I'm pretty sure I have deleted this post about five or six times now. I haven't been on here in several years and the thought of attempting to blog again is rather daunting. I want it to be grammatically correct, encouraging, inspiring, witty, and Christ centered all at the same time. Is that too much to ask? It's a tough world we live in. This is an appropriate time to use a hash tag: #firstworldprobs

I have some friends who like to blog and I thought it would be fun to go back and read my older posts. And by fun I mean get the nervous sweats as if I was getting pulled over by a police officer #peoplepleaser. See what I did with that hash tag? So I dig up my old posts and read through them and....it wasn't that bad. I didn't have this life changing revelation from reading them but The Lord was so sweet to remind me of a few things. 

He is constantly at work in my life for the good of my heart and the glory of his name. I am not the same person I was a few years ago and I can't be more thankful. Sanctification is a hard, gut wrenching process that is painful and brings more tears than I have headbands. But oddly enough it is a place I find rest. A place I revel in the goodness and mercy of The Lord and sit under the canopy of grace by the blood of Jesus. 

A few years have passed and things have changed but my calling is the same. I am to know Christ and make him known. To tell of his works from one generation to the next. To die to self and serve as Christ served others. To seek his face relentlessly and rest in the gospel and show others this rest we have in Jesus. 

My memory is pretty terrible. In fact, that's half of the reason I'm attempting to blog again.  I want to remember things that happen in my life. From big events to small details that make life so sweet...I want to remember to grace that has been lavished on me.

lazy

"preach the word; be ready in season and out of season..." 2 Timothy 4:2

i remember vividly the first school we went to. it was a muslim school with hundreds (i would say over 400 or right around) of beautiful children and there they were....sitting and staring at us and waiting to see why we were there. before we got there we were trying to decide who was going to do the gospel presentation and lord knows i was too scared to put my big girl panties on and be the first to do it. after all, we were using a evangacube and i had never used one of those before; so i used that as an excuse. funny how the holy spirit convicts a person, eh?

i had convinced myself that i was not ready to share the good news with these precious children in a way they would understand. that thought may have been one of the most foolish and ignorant thoughts i had that day...better yet, probably the whole trip. to think that i had to present the gospel (which is not mine) in a "convincing" manner was just plain stupid...and the holy spirit let me know that real fast!

for starters i was convicted of how i made sharing truth about me and not my jesus; i was convicted of not trusting that speaking scripture and truth about our sin and need for a savior was enough and that the lord couldnt use that to change hearts...after all, we were in africa. once again, plain ignorant! but heres what really got me: i tend to recite the gospel off of what i have been taught through the years and i sometimes steal different techniques to present it in a way that connects with people; i tend to do it out of "muscle memory" if you will, instead of conviction and going solely off the word that brings freedom from sin.

scripture is clear that we are to be ready in and out of season...at every moment and every place, including a ugandan school under a shade tree. i sat there looking at these kids and i remember sensing this feeling of shame because i wasnt ready and i was timid and then kb starting telling them about a story of hope. praise jesus for the holy spirit! he convicts and disciplines but oh how he comforts! i knew i wasnt ready and i was disappointed in my laziness in that but i was overwhelmed with the fact that these students and even there teachers were about to hear the good news that brought us all the way to the other side of the world. i began to cry because i knew that truth was being spoken over these kids; undeniable truth that does nothing but set them free and gives them hope! oh the joy of one simple message.

after every presenation we would go and play a pick up game of soccer with the school's team and on the way to the field we would alway sing and dance...well this time was by far my favorite! i wish i would have recorded it because we danced, sang, and laughed so much that i was tired and out of breath by the time we got to the field. but i would rather sing and dance with those kids than ever pick up a bat or glove ever again in my life.

i remember looking around at all those different faces and trying to pick out the differences and tell them apart; nearly impossible. i couldnt help but to think of how creative the lord is. he made each and every one of those kids, you and i, so incredibly different and yet he knows each by name and how many hairs are on there heads. they were all beautiful and talented in their own unique way and their laughter...oh their laughter. i could care less if it was at me, my white skin, or my nappy hair; just hearing them laugh made every bit of dust on every inch of my body worth it.

even in africa i know i was always looking to the next school or the next thing on the agenda. i also know that i missed out on opportunities to love on people as christ did and to be loved on. i wasnt ready in that moment when my number was called and i retracted to being shy when i know that i was born to be bold in my faith despite the uncomfortable circumstances or even language barriers. my hope and prayer is that my eyes would be opened to each and every moment and see the blessing the lord has given and that i would hide his word in my heart and cling to it...especially when he says to be ready in and out of season.

sweating in my sunday best

There are some things in life that you cannot avoid. I like to call these the facts of life. IE: water is made up of hydrogen and oxygen, rain falls from the sky, Louisiana is freakishly hot and humid, and I sweat like a man. It’s true. Sweating is one of my many characteristics. Yet in Africa, it seems to be the norm; second nature if you will.

Our first Sunday in Africa, we had the chance to go to church in Kampala. We went to Watoto Baptist Church. Let’s just say if I could make that my church home, I would in a heartbeat. It was one of the most beautiful churches I have ever been to and it wasn’t because of the decorations or anything in the building. I firmly believe it was because the Holy Spirit was so thick in that place and the joy of those around me was contagious. Going in, I had already decided what African church was going to be like. It exceeded my wildest dreams.
I was expecting them to sing songs like “The Circle of Life” or “Hakuna Matata”; ok, maybe not those exact songs, but something similar. They definitely sang Hillsong and lots of other contemporary songs that many would know here; like modern contemporary. Not the old school Michael W. Smith tunes.

The first word of the first song comes out of the worship leaders’ mouths and I immediately begin to weep. The people around me probably thought I was a crazy American. Nothing in all the land could have prepared me for experiencing church in another country. I cannot help but to go back to that moment in my mind. In my mind, I assumed that there was no way that people in other countries could connect with our Father. I’m not sure how that naïve thought got in my head but it was soon trumped by the sounds of beautiful African voices singing relentlessly to their creator. Singing with adoration, joy, and conviction. The sound of their voices captivated my thoughts and in turn brought me to my knees before my father. Who was I to think he could not speak and connect to these people half a world away? Who was I to assume that God is not big enough to do what he wants, when he wants, and how he desires it to be done?

These people who have very little or nothing at all sang to their savior with humility, conviction, and a unique understanding of the love the father has for them. Granted, they will never know the capacity in which the father loves them but they grasp it in a way that we Americans could never even think about. They know that they have very little but they also know, trust, and believe that in Christ they have it all; all they will ever need.

It was evident that the leaders of the church were united in one common purpose. The way they led worship and the teaching of the Word was so encouraging and left me desiring more. I was encouraged because I was worshipping with my family. Although we aren’t considered family by blood, we are covered by Jesus’ blood and that makes it all the more special for me.

I have one of the worst memories in all the land. Ask anyone around me and they can testify to this truth; I’m pretty sure my 94 year old grandpa has a better memory than me. One thing I remember my parents teaching me and my brother is that we are to always tithe no matter the circumstances. Funny how certain things stick with you. I have never seen people give with eagerness and willingness like I did this day at Watoto Church. I easily forget that the Lord moves and teaches simple truths such as tithing and rejoicing in that. I got to see people who have nothing or very little give to the Lord with an expectancy that He will act on what they have to give.

I have never sweated so much in church and been ok with it. Yet, at the same time I have never been a part of something so moving and thick with the Holy Spirit. I was surrounded by my brother and sisters in Christ, from different nations, all praising our Creator as one body. Oh I hope and pray for that day to come again so soon. Where we, as the body of Christ, come as one to lift praises to our king; that he may be glorified.